Saturday, 25 December 2010

Christmas Morning

Smoked Salmon and Eggs... That is the special family breakfast in our house! Christmas and Easter, when we’re sitting down together, it’s got to be Smoked Salmon and Eggs.

But this meal is more special to me than the other members of my family realise. Picture it, me 6 years old about to undertake my first end of year exams at school. They were going to last a week and they would be taking place in the school hall/canteen/gymnasium.

On day one of this momentous milestone, my lovely Mum asked me what I wanted for breakfast… I thought for a moment and replied “Brain food!”
“Hmm,” said Mum rummaging around in the fridge, “How about this?” she said triumphantly holding up a packet of Smoked Salmon.

We’d always had Smoked Salmon on special occasions, and that day I felt like a very special little girl as I devoured my Smoked Salmon and scrambled eggs on toast. I passed all my exams with flying colours, and that was the start of ten years of special exam breakfasts. From my SATS to my GCSEs and A Levels, all of them began with Smoked Salmon and Scrambled eggs on toast. Even now, if I have something at work which requires me to think or learn, its got to be Mum’s Brain Food Breakfast

It tasted as good today as it ever did, although a little different than it used to be. We have brown toast now instead of white and no salt or cream in the eggs, we’re all a bit older and wiser. I can still picture the dining room with its Anaglypta wallpaper and the little cream wall-mounted TV that Dad eventually painted black with emulsion.

Of course later will come Turkey and all the trimmings with the extended family, wine, nibbles and trifle. But for now, at this early hour, I’ll digest my Smoked Salmon and Scrambled eggs and wish you well.

Merry Christmas and God Bless

Friday, 24 December 2010

Christmas Eve

It is Christmas Eve and I'm trying to remember when I completely lost my Christmas spirit. I have none this year as flu is raging through my body. I've been in bed all week and aside from the odd "Delia Christmas Special", I have not been able to muster up even an ounce (I still work in old money) of Christmas spirit, although I will say that last night the sherry helped.

When I was very small, my brother and I used to test Santa Clause every year. We’d leave notes that said “if you are real tick here” and sprinkle talcum powder on the dark carpet in the hallway much to Mum’s chagrin.

I liked those times and I miss that innocence.

This year we have our entire family coming round to our house and I am reminded of my childhood and Christmas at Nana and Grandpa’s. There was always great food, a big spread with a bit brought round by everyone. There were jokes I was too young to understand (I particularly remember Grandpa inexplicably with knickers on his head). There was total happiness and joy throughout. Nobody was depressed, nobody was sad. Even the Christmas just before Grandpa’s death when he spent the entire day in bed the house was full of laughter. By then they had moved into the bungalow and the kitchen was smaller and didn’t smell like Nana’s house.

This year, I suspect will be a really big one – everyone’s coming round, all the Aunties and Uncles, even Nana’s making the trip (it’s only 5 minutes in the car, but she’s 86 and quite frail. The big shop has been completed and the Ham has been baked and I am banned from the kitchen, lest I spread my lurgy. I may even be banished to my bedroom tomorrow. The last time I was ill, Grandma caught it and ended up in hospital!

I hope you have a lovely Christmas and get to spend it with those you love. I myself will most probably be holding court in my bedroom and requesting glasses of red wine and plates of food be brought to me like a modern day King Henry VIII! 

Happy Holidays and God Bless!

Thursday, 23 December 2010

The First Kiss

Am I likely ever to remember fondly my first kiss? Honestly, I remember it mostly with regret... Here I am a little lubricated on Sherry (well it is Christmas) and watching "Little Crackers" a series of terrific Christmas Shorts by various British comedians, and I remember my first kiss with piercing clarity. 

It lasted 19 seconds. I know this because somebody timed it. To protect the innocent, I will call him RF, these are his actual initials. I really fancied him. The lead up to the actual kiss is a little blurry. I remember it was open evening at school and I was volunteering, partly because it would later look good on my CV, but mostly because I was one of those awful goody goody teacher's pet types. I just wanted to be liked. Prior to this evening he had found out that I liked him, but I was not the kind of girl anybody cool would want to go out with in public. If I remember rightly, he approached me and we agreed in covert and cryptic language that we did want to "go with" each other, which did not mean sleep with may I add. In Bolton that meant snog (although I always thought it sounded a bit rude) and I was very excited!

I immediately went off to tell my friends and to get some advice - how on earth do you kiss somebody with tongues?!? I remember that my face was flushed, my heart was beating very fast and I was trying to keep myself in check and trying to be aloof (I was not successful).

We met outside C block, at the far end, facing the swimming pool. By now the word had got out and a small crowd had gathered. I looked into his eyes and he leaned in and kissed me and rather swept me off my feet. But it was all over in, as I mentioned before, 19 seconds. 

It was a milestone.

Five years later he apologised for treating me so badly and asked me for a blowjob. I liked girls by then and laughed in his face. It's funny what you remember.

Bloody Fraud

I’ve just learned about Elizabeth Holmes, former CEO of defunct medical equipment company Theranos (so close to Thanos that I actually wro...