I have slept for two nights in a row. I seem to be getting used to the dry mouth and I'm finding myself more able to smile. I'm eating regularly (unfortunately putting on a bit of weight - diet after Christmas!) and yesterday I picked myself up, shook myself off and dressed myself in drag... I'm very very slowly coming back to me. Maybe by Christmas I'll be my old jolly self. I'm in a bit of pain today, I'm trying to reduce my Tramadol as a) it's hugely addictive and b) I've got to get off it at some point! So I took smaller doses yesterday. The night was pretty bad, I was in so much pain, but I just shut my eyes and managed to drift off to sleep.
I've also started making my cards for Christmas! I made time in my day to start them for the first time, which was brilliant! If you would like one, please drop me an email with your address!
I'm now jonesing for a Tramadol - people have warned me that they are addictive, but I never would have thought they'd be this bad... Back's KILLING, feel sick and shaky. I took some Asprin, I really want to get off the Tramadol, but honestly, I feel like death. Getting shooting pains in my back so either it has got no better, or the lack of Tramadol is messing with my head...
Showing posts with label Tramadol. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Tramadol. Show all posts
Friday, 11 November 2011
Tuesday, 25 October 2011
Return to the Cuckoo's Nest
I'm rapidly going out of my mind. I thought I'd hidden myself really well from my Mental Health demons. They found me in bed on Saturday and wouldn't let me go to sleep. I covered well, even managing to convince myself that I was staying awake to care for my beloved. The demons have set up residence now. They are engaged in an "Occupy Lydia's Soul" protest. They have placards that say "You're not good enough" "We are the 99% that believes Lydia is worthless". They have also stolen all of my spoons. I'm back in that dark place now...
Night Vision
Someone switched the lights off, I rely on my Night Vision
I only wish I'd eaten more carrots.
Someone switched the lights off, every time I pass a mirror, I see a shadow of my former self
I barely recognise me.
Because it was dark, I fell down a well, it's even darker and full of monsters
They are taunting me.
The walls are rough and spiked with glass and nails like The Trunchbull's Chokey...
I wish I was still a child reading Matilda.
My voice echoes back to me, I'm in too deep to be rescued
It is so dark, even the good things in silhouette cast scary shadows.
I can't get out.
I can't see a light.
My heart is breaking.
I can't breathe.
Someone switched the lights off, my Night Vision's failing
There aren't enough carrots in the world
Night Vision
Someone switched the lights off, I rely on my Night Vision
I only wish I'd eaten more carrots.
Someone switched the lights off, every time I pass a mirror, I see a shadow of my former self
I barely recognise me.
Because it was dark, I fell down a well, it's even darker and full of monsters
They are taunting me.
The walls are rough and spiked with glass and nails like The Trunchbull's Chokey...
I wish I was still a child reading Matilda.
My voice echoes back to me, I'm in too deep to be rescued
It is so dark, even the good things in silhouette cast scary shadows.
I can't get out.
I can't see a light.
My heart is breaking.
I can't breathe.
Someone switched the lights off, my Night Vision's failing
There aren't enough carrots in the world
Friday, 29 July 2011
Fuck... I'm still horizontal!
A few days on from my last entry, and I am still on the sofa, horizontal and feeling not too pretty! Yesterday was productive. I showered, changed my pyjamas and updated the website which has needed doing for a few days.
Today too has been mildly productive, I walked to the Post Office and bought myself a few magazines, emailed my Aunt about my birthday and now I'm watching Victorian Farm on Yesterday (which should be renamed "The Nazi's Were Bad - We Get It"), whilst writing another entry.
In brief, I went to A&E (that's ER to any of my American readers!) and Jimi, the lovely nigerian doctor prescribed me Diazepam and Diclofenac. I had intended to continue from my previous entry with a hilarious account of the visit, but I've just felt too poorly unfortunately - what I will say is that there's nothing funnier than hearing a doctor in the next cubicle saying "Hello, my name's Gary", in a thick Oriental accent followed by your partner whispering immediately "sure it is" in response. Laughed heartily and had to sit down again!
Following my trip to A&E last Tuesday, I ended up there again on Monday of this week after collapsing on the floor on Sunday, rather upsettingly, as I had honestly thought I'd be back at work the following day. After a terrible night's sleep and a few tears and my last Diazepam, I called NHS Direct who suggested calling an ambulance! Well, not one to waste resources (even if I am paying for them through the PAYE system) and delirious with pain, I stayed in bed thinking - "Well, it's not an emergency!" Very luckily for me, a very good friend in the shape of Pixie Truffle offered me a lift to the hospital and Nickie turned up just as we were leaving so I had my own personal entourage when I returned to A&E.
Sadly, I wasn't treated by the attractive female doctor who I kept straining my neck to see everytime she walked past (Nickie knows about this and we had quite a giggle about it). The very nice doctor who was assigned to me did the same batch of tests as lovely Jimi had the previous week, and one more which I will not go into detail about, but was designed to check whether I had damaged my Coccyx (I hadn't). The pain by this point was worse than it was the previous week and it would seem that I had jarred it when I fell on the floor. The doctor advised that he wasn't concerned enough to keep me in (a relief), but he could see that I was in a significant amount of pain and so prescribed me some stronger painkillers. He asked me about Codeine, but me and that particular drug have a chequered past - we don't get on. It affects my digestive transit shall we say (TMI?) So instead, he prescribed me Tramadol, a fairly strong Opiate which has finally stopped the pain in its tracks but comes with a bunch of really pleasant side effects like extreme nausea, dizziness, clumsiness and what can only be described as the appearance of being stoned! My doctor has prescribed Cyclizine to deal with the nausea, but can't really do much due to the dizziness. Honestly, the walk to the shops was a triumph!
I'm bored as hell, and very lonesome and tomorrow, instead of being at work or at Oldham Pride, I'll be right here, on the sofa, watching repeats on the TV and wishing I could get ahold of a box set of Prisoner to pass the time. Until I do, it's Gilmore Girls, Desperate Housewives and Being Erica on E4... and Learn From My Fail blog and Facebook Online. Please send me Facebook Messages, entertain me with videos... ANYTHING as I'm climbing the walls!
In other news I found an app which tells me when to take each of my tablets which is useful and will help me avoid the inevitable overdose which comes from Tramadol induced forgetfulness!
Signing Off xx
Today too has been mildly productive, I walked to the Post Office and bought myself a few magazines, emailed my Aunt about my birthday and now I'm watching Victorian Farm on Yesterday (which should be renamed "The Nazi's Were Bad - We Get It"), whilst writing another entry.
In brief, I went to A&E (that's ER to any of my American readers!) and Jimi, the lovely nigerian doctor prescribed me Diazepam and Diclofenac. I had intended to continue from my previous entry with a hilarious account of the visit, but I've just felt too poorly unfortunately - what I will say is that there's nothing funnier than hearing a doctor in the next cubicle saying "Hello, my name's Gary", in a thick Oriental accent followed by your partner whispering immediately "sure it is" in response. Laughed heartily and had to sit down again!
Following my trip to A&E last Tuesday, I ended up there again on Monday of this week after collapsing on the floor on Sunday, rather upsettingly, as I had honestly thought I'd be back at work the following day. After a terrible night's sleep and a few tears and my last Diazepam, I called NHS Direct who suggested calling an ambulance! Well, not one to waste resources (even if I am paying for them through the PAYE system) and delirious with pain, I stayed in bed thinking - "Well, it's not an emergency!" Very luckily for me, a very good friend in the shape of Pixie Truffle offered me a lift to the hospital and Nickie turned up just as we were leaving so I had my own personal entourage when I returned to A&E.
Sadly, I wasn't treated by the attractive female doctor who I kept straining my neck to see everytime she walked past (Nickie knows about this and we had quite a giggle about it). The very nice doctor who was assigned to me did the same batch of tests as lovely Jimi had the previous week, and one more which I will not go into detail about, but was designed to check whether I had damaged my Coccyx (I hadn't). The pain by this point was worse than it was the previous week and it would seem that I had jarred it when I fell on the floor. The doctor advised that he wasn't concerned enough to keep me in (a relief), but he could see that I was in a significant amount of pain and so prescribed me some stronger painkillers. He asked me about Codeine, but me and that particular drug have a chequered past - we don't get on. It affects my digestive transit shall we say (TMI?) So instead, he prescribed me Tramadol, a fairly strong Opiate which has finally stopped the pain in its tracks but comes with a bunch of really pleasant side effects like extreme nausea, dizziness, clumsiness and what can only be described as the appearance of being stoned! My doctor has prescribed Cyclizine to deal with the nausea, but can't really do much due to the dizziness. Honestly, the walk to the shops was a triumph!
I'm bored as hell, and very lonesome and tomorrow, instead of being at work or at Oldham Pride, I'll be right here, on the sofa, watching repeats on the TV and wishing I could get ahold of a box set of Prisoner to pass the time. Until I do, it's Gilmore Girls, Desperate Housewives and Being Erica on E4... and Learn From My Fail blog and Facebook Online. Please send me Facebook Messages, entertain me with videos... ANYTHING as I'm climbing the walls!
In other news I found an app which tells me when to take each of my tablets which is useful and will help me avoid the inevitable overdose which comes from Tramadol induced forgetfulness!
Signing Off xx
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