This was meant to be for tomorrow, but after seeing a status update on Facebook... I had to put it on tonight!
I’ve never written this down before, although I was tempted to – but I feel it necessary to have a permanent record of how NOT to do friendship. I’m sure that this will get me in a modicum of trouble, but I guess people who have behaved this way towards me, or recognise any of these “don’ts” aren’t really friends anyway! Some of them are from years ago, but things have a habit of sticking with me. Also, they’re not all about me!
1) If your friend plans a birthday celebration, do NOT call them a week before, en masse, asking if they will change their plans to accommodate a music festival.
2) If your friend hires a limousine for their birthday, don’t try to convince her to let people into it for free after she’s paid an extra £40.00 to fill empty seats.
3) If your friend wants to leave a night out early, don’t say things like “Don’t be like that”, or keep asking them to stay out until they pretty much explode.
4) If your friend isn’t particularly cool, don’t ever let them feel that way.
5) If your friend is feeling insecure, don’t spend an entire night taking the mickey out of them until the feel like they’re back at school.
6) If you give your friend a lift somewhere, don’t drop them off at the end of the day in the middle of town with loads of stuff still in your car and expect them to make their own way home.
7) If you have a particularly gullible friend, don’t tell them a lie, spend extra time convincing them that it’s true and then let them look like a tool in front of everybody else.
8) If you have a good friend, don’t bitch about them behind their back and then be lovely and marvellous to their face.
9) If your friend is feeling lonely and lost, don’t mock them to their face.
10) If you have told your friend that you will not be buying anybody Christmas presents, don’t expect to get one yourself and don’t bitch about it later.
11) If you are solvent, don’t “forget” to bring your wallet and expect your friends to pay for your taxis.
12) If your friend is upset by something you’ve said, don’t laugh at them.
13) If your friend invites you to their house for drinks, don’t always say “it’s too far away, come to town instead”.
14) If your friend splits up with another member of the group, don’t completely disown them.
15) If your friend makes a list like this and you recognise anything that’s in there, don’t be stupid enough call them on it, especially when no names are mentioned
16) If your friend is depressed and down for long periods, don’t get sick of them, or stop calling.
17) If your friend splits up with their partner... don't go shit stirring to their ex...
If you consider any of the above to be true friendship… I’ll tell you…
YOU’RE DOIN’ IT WRONG!
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