Eternal Darkness of the Depressed Mind...

I'm not feeling especially dark today. I'm having a long awaited visitor tonight and I'm ploughing through the cleaning quite well. In addition, I'm making my favourite Jewish Penicillin (Chicken Soup), and there's enough Pumpkin Pie to go around from last night!

I just wanted to give you an insight into my brain. If you make a suggestion to me, my brain goes into overdrive and although you might not notice, there's a millisecond of fear on my face as I immediately think of the worst possible outcome. Here are just a few of my insane and unpleasant imaginings. Please be aware that these are products of my dark mind, and I'm ok right now - you don't need to worry about me right now. Although these are thoughts I've had, and they are especially dark, remember it's also quite funny that these are the thoughts my mind immediately jumps to...

1) When walking home from the shops with an especially heavy load and no pull along trolley...
Me - "Hmm, maybe I'll ask that kind gentleman if he'll carry my shopping home..."
Brain - "If you ask him, and he says yes, he might then force himself into the flat and attack you, possibly rape you and then the police won't be able to prosecute because you invited him in..."

2) Upon witnessing drug dealing while walking to the shops...
Me - "I ought to call the police immediately to give them the best chance of catching these sleaze bags..."
Brain - "If you call the police and they get caught, they will have seen you on the phone, know it's you who shopped them, and make you the victim of a campaign of misery, concluding with your death..."

3) When my parents' phone goes to voicemail...
Me - "Hmmm, they must be busy, I'll call later..."
Brain - "What if there's been an accident, they could be injured, Dad could have had a heart attack, a family member could have died... Call back, as many times as you can until they pick up, phone Mum at work, phone your brother... Don't be so selfish..."

4) When a payment is returned by the bank...
Me - "I'll phone my creditor and I'm sure they will understand..."
Brain - "If this payment has failed, the next one definitely will, and I'll be bankrupt by Christmas"
(This one actually occurred last week when I went to visit the CAB and they actually said "I'll start with the worst possible scenario and work backwards..." - I had moments earlier told him that I'd just had a diagnosis of depression...)

5) Whilst watching fireworks...
Nickie - "Oh look, a Chinese Lantern floating over us..."
Brain - "The candle inside could fall out and scalding wax could drip onto my face..."
(Unfortuately, I said this one aloud!)

I'm going to continue adding to this in the hope that eventually my brain will realise it's being ridiculous!


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